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"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?"
Well, I can only think of, like, one word that, like, causes me to, like, explode when, like, everyone repeats it like ten times in, like, a single sentence. It's like they can't bother like even thinking of like, the right word.
BTW,"like" is, like, closely followed by "'ya know" and "whatever".
For me it's difficult to use "integrity" in the way I communicate, but I use the above words all the time ;-(
Thanks for the brain exercise.
Along these lines, a great book to read is "Words that Work" from Frank Luntz. It's quite political but the message is the same.
Paul
"Should" is the easiest one to pick on. "Must" is a much better word. Or "should" I say "must" is right? Use "must" and you will be more succesful, and happinness will follow. It is almost spiritual, actually! Responsible people use "must" because it's realistic.
Sorry for the weak humour above. Tim, you "must" add the word "truly" to your list. Not only is it cliche, it also has the effect of causing most of us to question one's integrity when it is used!
So your argument is that those world simplify things? Isn't that the whole premise of life. The one thing that is the absolute truth is that you are dead or alive. (I'm not going to bring religion into this).
1. Happiness - This is what you want.
2. Success - This is what you want.
3. Should - I agree - shoulds are Regrets. I'm slowly removing all my regrets.
4. Responsible - Sure if you don't give a shit about anything, you can have no responsibility - but we are thinking and emotional people. You are responsible for yourself and what you believe in.
5. Realistic - Realistic is accepting what you can change and what you can't change.
6. Reasonable - same as above.
7. Spiritual - This is good, if you don't fight, live, for something, you are just a machine. I know in the end, it doesn't matter, but when you live - you live for something, even if it's just that moment.
8. Good/Right - I don't like absolutes besides death/life. Everyone defines what's good or right for themselves.
9. Bad/Wrong - Same as above.
10. Moral - W/O Morals or Principles - you are just straight up biological dna fighting for replication. Everyone should define what they want and live for. Otherwise your just genetic programming.
I have a personal question for you though? Are you a silver spooner? I know you went to princeton and I've read your book and I agree w/ a lot your thoughts. How did you pay for school? Loans? Grants? Parents? Did you ever grow up feeling poor? Did you ever grow up feeling like you had nothing? Did you ever grow up like you had to be an adult and sacrifice for your family? I know you did not do everything from nothing - because no one does.
In the end you have to give up everything to have everything.
###
Hi Thomas!
Thanks for the thought-provoking response and adding to the dialogue. I have to run to lunch (roasted pork sandwich with swiss cheese, for those interested in my "free" day diet) but to answer your question: I am not a "silver spooner" at all. My parents never made more than 50K per year combined, and a lot of people, several grants/scholarships, and personal work helped pay for school.
I realize some of these words can have religious connotations, and my suggestion to remove them will therefore seem anti-religious. It isn't. It's a recommendation to examine your thinking and -- if you choose to use words that are defined by a particular religion -- realize that you're using a word defined in dozens of different ways depending on the creed. Rather than label something "immoral", for example, talk about the sin you're referring to and explain yourself. Such words can be very dangerous when used without clear intent.
Thanks again for your ideas!
Pura vida,
Tim
That more or less applies to the first seven words on your list, but recommending not using the last three? Sure, absolute moral judgments in the relative world we live in are the source of all trouble and turmoil, but this doesn't mean they must be avoided. Instead, we must (not 'should', mind you) strive to using these words better - not perfectly, perfection being an unattainable absolute, but just better. World isn't as black and white as to impose the complete avoidance of moral comparisons. Even in areas where we can apply more precision than in ethics - such as personal goal setting or building your business - these are useful terms, as long as you manage your use of them. After all, if you are not sure when you've arrived, you just need to keep going, 'better' being a much better alternative than 'good enough': even if you're not sure of what moral is and what is right, you should aim in the direction you think most likely to be the best.
Cheers,
Mikko
This will be my assignment for the weekend! No more tautologies.
- Aaron
Interesting subject, and I could see your point of view till I hit number 7. Numbers 7 through 10 are concepts that are generally understood through religion (take your pick.) I suppose that if a person has not considered the the concepts behind the words, then the words themselves would lose all impact and meaning. However, to those of us who practice a religion, those words not only have meaning but are, to many religions, kind of fundamental.
I also noticed that the final 4 words are all well tied into the religious concept of conscience - and to take the thought a step further, if you do have a conscience that is bothering you, of course you will feel 'stress, depression, and conflict.' The solution to resolving that conflict is not to stop using a particular word but to face the issue that is causing you stress head on.
As I see it, the result of removing the concept of right or wrong from how we live our lives would eliminate the need for the words morality and spirituality and I'm not so sure I want to live in a world where everyone does what seems right in his/her own eyes.
Maybe I'm way out in left field on this one, and I'm sure your readers will let me know if I am...
Todd
expensive
Or, if vague, they can be very confusing and less useful.
You have certainly opened up an entirely new world of thinking for me!
--z--
I figure freedom comes in two flavors: doing/having/being what you want and not doing/having/being what you don't want. Interesting inference from the first flavor: if you don't really know what you want - if you don't at least have written goals and preferably also have written plans to achieve those goals - then you're not free.
Interesting homework; I came up with definitions that I, at least, like for all of them. I agree that thinking about the meanings of the words you use is productive, to be sure.
Just because a word's meaning may be different for you and me doesn't mean you should stop using it. It just means our conversation should be improved so as to remove ambiguity when using potentially vague terms.
Thanks for the thought provoking post!
I think you're right, Tim. In the middle of reading the list I did in fact pretend blow my brains out with a finger gun.
we had to write an ENTIRE PARAGRAPH summary of a book the class read without using the word NICE. There was a mutiny (led by me)! I confronted the teacher and said, "We all agree that this is an impossible assignment! How could you possibly summarize 'Charlotte's Web' without saying that either the boy or farmer or spider was really NICE?"
Sounds ridiculous now, but of 28 9-year-olds, there was only 2 who completed the task. Martin, the kid who had his own personal 3-hole-punch in his packsack, and some book called a thoroarasus, and Keeder "the cheater", who probably just copied from Martin.
So if I was still 9, I'd say "Fine Tim, I guess you just don't want me to be happy, successful, responsible or realistic anymore!"
But I've matured now, so I'll be blissful, victorious, accountable and pragmatic.
plus I've got this:
http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/thesaurus?book=Thesa...
~Victory Darwin
Victory, that is a fantastic story! I love it!
Paul, brilliant catch. I was wondering when someone would point out that I used "should" in the headline. LOL... well done! It's important to have fun with the small "stuff" ;)
Have a brilliant weekend, all,
Tim
I'd add "Try" to the list.
Anytime I hear that or I am about to say it -
I know that action is not going to happen.
-Yanik
“ Ilchi Lee that any people feel that they can only be happy and peaceful when they are given the right circumstances and conditions. However, we can be at peace and be content in this moment now, at this place now. This is our choice. There is nothing that is blocking this choice. Only our thoughts are obscuring this choice. Why can’t we be content and happy without conditions? Enlightenment is a choice that continues from instant to instant, from moment to moment.� - SRV
Have you ever heard someone give a presentation or try to sound like they know what they're talking about and 'basically' appears five times per sentence?
"Well basically what the market here is doing is taking the basic inflow from this sector and then it's basically outputting like so. Basically."
It's a useless word that can almost always be removed from the sentence and the sentence won't lose any meaning.
"To think is to act - inside your brain" (William R. Ashby)
Best, Aurel
Thanks for keeping me intrigued in how you live life so fully!
Luckily, "irony" was not on the list, Paul. :)
The 10 Most Common Words You Should Stop Using Now
"3. Should"
D'oh!
Have you ever read "Manual of Style" by Strunk and White? Timeless classic that stresses concise writing with no waste.
Replacing the colloquial "Need to" with -- [nothing] or maybe "please,..." if speaking to someone, eliminates this aggressive confrontation.
"You need to move over."
"No, I don't have that need at all." LOL
Spirituality is what you makes you get a sh*t-eating grin when you are doing something you truly enjoy.
Good times - pura vida indeed. Me gusta viajar, y estoy pensando que viver a sudamerica or centroamerica.
Toodles.
dont forget synergy.
Regards
J.
Drives me nuts!
If you don't like the word 'moral', then the antonym 'immoral' simply reduces to 'crime'or so. But surely we aren't thinking on such narrower terms, right? Human mind is conditioned to respect human values to beginwith but changes happen due to hundred other factors. What hurts someone would hurt me as well. We need to grow beyond poor interpretations of religions. Do not try to jump from the above floor just because you hate walking down the stairs.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-Prime
FYI - still no word about the Jack Canfield "Blog Bonus" interview.
I sent in the BN.com receipt on Thursday and followed up with Amy - but haven't heard anything yet.
It sounds great, and I'm anxious to hear it. :)
Cheers,
Alex
Tim I just finished reading your book and I have to say it was very hard to get through one of the parts at the end. I was able to digest all your Argentina and Buenos Aires boasting throughout the book, despite my disagreement, but when it was coupled with Brazil and Rio de Janeiro bashing it really got to me.
It was hard to remind myself not to throw the baby out with the bathwater and take in your suggestions even though your opinions about South America pissed me off. Very unfortunate.
I liked the book nonetheless. I'll keep it in my bookshelf for reference. I'm just having second thoughts about recommending it to others who may not be as understanding as I am...
###
Hi Daniela!
I appreciate the honesty. I actually love Brazil (my love affair with Argentina and Panama is obvious) and recently came back from Florianolopis. I've been to Sao Paolo and Rio a few times and dig both. BUT, both can be very, very dangerous. I don't think that's being alarmist. In Rio, a female friend was robbed on the same day that two other tourists I knew were assaulted at gun point. A week later, feuding drug lords gas bombed a bus full of innocent civilians. While I might not mind seeing machine guns and gangs on the streets, many people have a lower risk tolerance than I do, so I felt it prudent to be open about the environment. It's also important to note, if you are Brazilian, that tourists are often more conspicuous and sought out as targets for petty crimes. Many Brazilians don't experience this and thus underestimate how frequent it can be. It doesn't make it a bad country at all. Brazil rocks. But the awareness is important.
Muito obrigado for the comment and all the best,
Tim
The human mind really isn't designed to understand what something is.
'Should' - definitely. I dropped that word from my vocabulary when my first child was born. 'Could' is more useful.
Don't think I use any of the others much if at all.
Okay. Random neural firings. I'm off to buy your book.
Bob Collier
The Parental Intelligence Newsletter
buzz, buzz-worthy, buzzable
trendy, viral, cool
implementable
bandwidth (used to describe a person's time)
innovative, innovation
nuances
-Just my pet peeves. These are used so much no one really knows what they mean anymore.
People use this at the end of their sentences and it is a sign of impatience. They want your response and agreement NOW.
It is often used as one word: "youknowwhatImean" and often used by those who over use the word " like"
I prefer to own up to my motivation instead of hiding it behind yet another overused dismissive and / or self-deprecating expression. May the world follow my lead.
-bp
Change your thinking and your actions by saying it this way: "I am sure going to work on getting a raise." Then do not "try" but buckle down and DO.
I have replaced "have to", "should", "can't" and "try" with "choose to" or "I will". The first give your power away or an easy out. The later you take personal ownership.
I have also found myself using the word "you or we" when I really mean "me", as a way to mentally deflect the meaning and not take ownership of it.
Such as "A common thing we experience when doing something new is..." In fact when I first typed this, the first sentence said "the words we use" and then I caught myself!
Today I am going to stop using success and happiness. I am going to define my success and happiness!!!!!
Thank you so much!
What would other word might you use for "spiritual?"
Your list really jump started my thinking.
Gratefully,
Joel
###
Hi Joel,
I would use philosophical or meditative, unless we're talking about deity worship. If one believes in a god, I would consider them religious, even if unaffiliated with a major brand-name group.
Hope that helps!
Tim
I hear people use it so often. It's so lame! You just know when someone tells you that they will try to do something that they are not committed to doing it and 9 times out of 10 they won't do it.
Best wishes
Nickolove
At my Alma Mater, Mount Holyoke, this word is plastered on all official publications. No one seems to agree on what the heck it means. I think the Mount Holyoke dictionary definition is something like: "of or pertaining to better than Smith."
Tim, I know what you mean and you’ve inspired me to add one of my own: Leadership.
I'd add the word "afraid" to the list. A fear and/or lack based view on life is so limiting and can be destructive.
Rather than "banning" the words on your list, I think it's really more important for people to first be aware of when they use them. Then begin to understand when and why they say them so they can transform thinking to something more positive.
at a given time, but I am generally content. By content, I mean that I have
no desperate needs (emotional, physical or fiscal) that are not addressed,
and I am generally comfortable in the world.
Please note that contentment is not antithetical to growth and achievement.
It just means that I don't hate where I am now.
We built an executive dashboard that analyzes metrics down to traffic lights (Red, Yellow, Green). That quick definition of "success" absolutely follows the thinking in the Four Hour Workweek.
My guess is that you don't work with physicists and don't understand the value of vague thinking in management of mathematics PhDs from the Ukraine. If I didn't have the dashboard, regardless of "vague thinking" I'd be here at 10pm each night. Is that your goal Tim Ferriss?
###
Hi DCer!
No, that's not my goal, of course. My goal was/is to get people thinking, and I really like your take on a context where "success" can be used. I'm a huge fan of using "interesting" and "stuff" in foreign languages in the early stages. There is a time and a place for some of these -- I just don't want them to be universal crutches, which is what they can become.
Cheers!
Tim
I think you've got a great book on the right track and you've reanalyzed what people want for a new generation in ways that Tony Robbins did for the 1980s or Andrew Carnegie did for the 30s/40s. More power too you. And I plan to bounce ideas around here to "keep you honest," so don't take it personal.
Anyway, it's worth a try. Good brain exercise!
Yanik, you're the Man! Nice add-on. You certainly have room to speak on that subject.
Paula G stole my thunder with the Yoda quote (kudos girl!)
I believe Alex reffered to the it on the vitual book tour with you Tim. Seems to be a common theme.
ttfn
It drives me crazy when I thank someone for doing something and they respond that way. What happened to "your welcome" or "my pleasure", etc. I didn't ask if it would be a problem in the first place, so why did "problem" get into the convesation?
How did these responses become commom place in so many businesses? It is terrible phone etiquette, especially in customer service departments. Ending a conversation where help was required or an issued needed resolution with "no problem" sure leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
The first time I heard "no problem" I was surprised. Now it ruffles my feathers everytime.
it is great to 'catch' these words that limit us - usually to start with when someone else points out our over-use of them. Then what happens is you get to notice them after they pop out - and finally before they pop out, giving you a chance to transform the word into something else more conscious and with real meaning and intention.
Thanks for the list of 10 Tim. Plenty to play with here.
I'm currently fascinated with the frequency that I hear the term 'real quick'. ...Usually said in a statement that is full of unconscious apology and justification - sorry for taking up your time with my presence - or something similar.
nice - a filler - used when you can't think of another word or want to avoid saying something negative, i.e., what you really think.
moving forward - Does anyone really want to move backward? O.K. a few politicians and religious fanatics surely do, but the rest of us don't.
The word "FUN". Fun has lost it's meaning.
Next time you come back from an outing and describe it to someone who was not there, if it was fun, try to say specifically what it was. Examples would be like, "we laughed at..." "we made jokes where..." "we sang " "we danced" "louie did his game where..." "someone dressed up like a..." "we bonded.." That's more interesting.
I would also suggest to eliminate two more words:
"trying"
Eather it's doing or not doing, "trying" is none of both. "Trying" is programming to loose in advance.
"problem"
I hate that word. "Problems" are a turn-off, whereas challanges are inviting. For sure a question of attitude.
Bye bye :-)
Adrienne Zurub
Author,
'Notes From the Mothership ~ The Naked Invisibles'
due out November 2007
http://chasewunderlickpublishers.com.cn
I do find myself frequently listening to people talk and hearing little real content. Maybe it's the way I listen - I have a tendency to listen to meaning rather than words. I know that's kind of a strange concept, but it works well for me. Often people will misspeak, and I won't notice because I was following their meaning.
Unfortunately, this tendency makes it painfully obvious when people have nothing to say, or have no idea what they're talking about. I just don't know how to respond!
I'm definitely a fan of more precise language - it adds so much more nuance to a conversation.
society never looks deeper has a rule beyond right/ wrong.
an enriching choice always is morally good and a poor choice is always morally wrong and as far as morals are concerned life challanges and choices can be summed up in these thoughts- Do your best to do all that you say you will and commit no tresspass and that thoght put into practice will eliminate all crime and all evil if you just act in goodwill at all times the rest is just mental hashing as far as I am concened-by the way love your book !
I believe a lot of the bloggers here interpret the removal of a word as meaning removal of the word's meaning. Happiness does not need to be removed from one's life when one removes the word happiness from their vocabulary. It is obvious that many interpret this as what would happen. When I think about when/how I'd use hapiness in a particular sentence or comment I realize it would be used as a 'wish for' comment. One would not say 'I have happiness' that sounds corny. They would say 'I am so happy'. You didn't ask for everyone to remove happy...just happiness. If I use happiness, I'd say either 'I'd acheive happiness if..' or 'you can have happiness' .. Hmm... it doesn't even flow well. Happiness is a sort of judgemental term. It is used to determine a result. You 'can' obtain happiness 'if'.. Hmmm.. who can judge whether they will obtain this result before they even attempt? I suppose all this pondering one way or another is a serious loss of valuable time I could be using in more enjoyable pursuits.
I think I can remove the word/term happiness easily, butI will continue to use happy all the time. :-)
Enjoy,
Betty
"Beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there"
Should is an aux verb implying logical consequence. "If I press this button, that light SHOULD go on."
It is often confused with OUGHT, which is a word that does NOT get used ENOUGH.
Have I told anyone lately that I really hate the word "semantics"?
And why "good/right"? There are times when "correct" might more precisely take the place of either. But to banish these words to a world where, say a word like "semantics" ought to be banished, I think is wrong.
pawl
As an auctioneer I am always trying to come up with new phrases in my chant to keep my crowd attentive, this works until that phrase gets worn out and I'll get rid of it to use another.
As you can imagine this is a challenge when your selling 200 -300 lots an evening!
Thanks!
1. Happiness = liveliness
2. Success = Completion or end
3. Should = Ought
4. Responsible = required
5. Realistic = practical?
6. Reasonable = thought out
7. Spiritual = essence or inner
8. Good/Right = correct/incorrect
9. Bad/Wrong = ill conceived, poorly executed, of selfish design
10. Moral = leave judgement at the door
counter word
n.
any word freely used as a general term of approval or disapproval without reference to its more exact meaning, as nice, terrible, lousy, terrific
Google "e-prime" and stretch your brain.
Best Regards,
Bo
I know this is a dated post, but I thought of something clever to get people going on this idea:
If one uses the computer a lot for communication (e.g., chat or email frequently), if you download a program for Windows called Texter (Mac also has a freeware software that is similar in function), it is a program that sits in the background and replaces words as you type them on the screen.
Rather than use the program properly to substitute words (such as just typing 'ddate' to make the date of the year appear in the place of ddate), you could have substitutions for these 10 words you've identified. And what better way to get into the habit of not using these words than to make Texter substitute the word 'should' or 'right' or 'responsible' with something like 'abcdefg' or 'xxxxxxx' or 'tuvwxyz'. That will quickly prevent you from being able to type those words and force you to find a replacement. Then slowly you should be able to transfer that habit of not using those words into your spoken language.
Just a suggestion if anybody is having problems with getting out of the habit of using these words.
I have a list of words, phrases and verbal habits that should be BANISHED. It will make your skin crawl:
1. Pause before saying either "million" or "billion".
2. "Anyway..."
3. "Smoke-filled room(s)"
4. "Disingenuous"
5. Bell-weather
6. Pronouncing divisive to rhyme with incisive. It is pronounced di-VIZ-iv.
7. Surge
8. "I mean..."
9. "Okay"
10. "Gonna"
11. "C'mon..."
12. Vet, vetting, vetted
13. "Liberal media"
14. Sea-change
15. "Read(ing) tea leaves
16. "Uh" or "duh"
17. "So..."
18. "[insert anything here]-wise", such as "weather-wise"
19. "It's [the economy or any other word], stupid."
20. "At this point"
21. "Rule of thumb"
22. "That said" or "That being said"
23. "Zero-sum game"
24. "Begs the question"
25. "You know..."
26. "Proof is in the pudding"
27. "With all due respect..."
28. "Take a listen"
29. To be honest/To tell you the truth
30. Throw under the bus
31. "Playing the [insert anything] card."
32. Smoking gun
33. What next??
And the BIGGIE that makes me want to vomit: "LOOK!"
Thanks for letting me hog space. Think about these. People are almost exclusively speaking this way today.
1. Happiness - a choice we make daily. Its not something to attain to.
2. Success - usually thought of in monetary terms but I find its more about being true to yourself and following your passions to find real fulfillment (exactly what you say/do/teach, Tim!).
3. Should - In a personal context its something we feel we must do based on some other expectations. Whose? I've eliminated this word from my vocabulary.
4. Responsible 5. Realistic 6. Reasonable 7. Spiritual
8. Good/Right 9. Bad/Wrong 10. Moral
Words 4-10 are based in opinion and arbitrary. Using them means we are judging ourselves or others. To push our opinion is ego based and futile, but it does create a good discussion when done respectfully. :)
Other words I'd like to add:
can't - Almost profanity in my house as a child. Its not that I can't do something, I'm choosing not to try (better to use won't)
never- too harsh for me, it just sounds negative, "I'm never going there"
hate - is learned and a choice, and an excuse to stay in our comfort zones
trying - just an excuse, either do it or don't
So really, generic approaches generate generic results
Focus to get Focus results
Thank You
Indeed! You're one of the few who noticed this little test.
:)
Tim
But while were playing with lists, 'love' needs to be on there. The same word that we use for a fierce and death-ignoring longing for another human is also used to describe how much we like Snickers. This calls for reform...
I don't think cutting out the use of a word altogether is the answer either, that's akin to making the word taboo. Instead certain words should be used in a more mindfully and less flippantly. Words are created out of context, not the other way round.
Perhaps the fault lies in that the true meaning and application of these words has been has been so misused and distorted, from extremity to banality, that the words have lost their original meaning, influence and power. On one point I agree, that it's down to pure laziness that we skip straight to the 'genius' statement rather than processing the 'competent' and 'worthy of praise' sentiments and claim the 'disaster' that is a haircut. Stretching the words capacity for meaning increases it's ambiguity. Awesome. A word that once conveyed the sheer immense magnitude or awe inspiring, life changing, feeling of a physical or emotional manifestation, is now used to describe a cup of coffee!
There are plenty of words in today's lexicon to fit every occasion without resorting to totalities
Of course this works the other way too. Giving a word too much power can be very destructive. Words are the servant, not the ruler and you can judge a ruler by the way he treats his servants.
Personally, I can't stand 'should' - that's a word just designed to make you feel bad, eh?!