The Blog of Author Tim Ferriss - Latest Comments in No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

maryjane — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 22:46:44 -0000

hi........................i have a question.How will you know that a particular has a feelings for you?........................and how will you know that he really loves you

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Andrew Steak — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:09:45 -0000

Oops, I meant:

http://www.someecards.com/u...

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Andrew Steak — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:09:07 -0000

SomeEcards has the idea right: http://www.someecards.com/u...

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Mozart's Left Toe — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 04:08:08 -0000

Re: Your Message 2/14/08

Austria yes. Fulbright gave me the lucky opportunity to live there for two years. Ach ja. I miss it.. which is why I challenge people to Deutsch Duals in the middle of the night...

Question: What was the name of the organization where you took German in Berlin? In your book you mentioned the Platz but not the company. I am looking for an inexpensive refresher course there. Also, if you have any recommendations of where to live in Berlin I would be grateful.

From the four-hour-toe,,,

Mozart's Left Toe aka Amy

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Carla — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 11:43:26 -0000

Happy Valentines Day from one single to another!
Although I'm rather suprised no-one's snatched you up yet, from everything I've read you're everything a girl could want!
Lets get a drink during SXSW....

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Mozart's Left Toe — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:40:46 -0000

Jawohl! Herr Ferriss,

I lese jezt das Buch, und finde mich ziemlich begeistert. Du hast etwas besonders geschrieben. Du bist auch lustig. That was just einen kleinen Test to make sure your German is not rusty, ;) I dare you to write back in German.

www.myspace.com/amybrevard

Mozart's Left Toe

###

Thanks for the kind words, Mozart/Amy. I hope the funny parts were intentional! It's 2am after a long night, so no German for now, but nice work. Been to Austria, I presume?

Tim

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Jägermeister — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:47:06 -0000

Tim,

Why people are never content with someone's else life? A: Because they just can't mind [b]only/[/b] their own freaking business!!!

I have been single, married, divorced, and now single... A girl, a chick, a hag, a lady, whatever... My only business. Are you married? Good, so be it. Are you single, so great, enjoy it! Are getting your hell way to divorce, and playing as single while separated? Also, enjoy it! Just do not try to cast your experience as the only formula that works, it doesn't exist! Hell with Valentines melo-drama... and buying things nobody needs... ;-)

And maybe to some stirr-ups I mingle among boys and do the same if I want to, excepting one little difference that I love exclusively...

Make love and war if needed too... The curse and coarse of humanity, so what? Do you think we will live forever just because we softly transitioned, trangered, suppressed or mutilated ourselves to saints??? Hahaha, make me laugh!

Live forever then.

Cheers!

Lou

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Sciamachy — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 05:07:01 -0000

Both "ladies" and "women" are equally bad given their etymology - woman comes from Anglo-Saxon wifman - wife-man (man in Anglo-Saxon meaning person). Lady comes from hlafdæg, a loaf-maker, essentially the one who cooks. Pretty much any term used to describe people of one sex or the other is going to be essentially sexist whether intended or otherwise since it's describing a set of people by their sex. "Ladies" does however imply a certain class & dignity at least, and consciousness of the concept of being a gentleman.

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Michael — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 04:02:12 -0000

Well, dang, Tim... I was surprised to see that you were also a fan of my favorite book, A Stranger in a Strange Land. Now you're referring to women as "Ladies"? I thought I was the last person in Northern America to use that nomenclature...

My special Ladyfriend [meine schöne Dame] has been claiming for months that I have a man-crush on you because of how often I quote your book/web-page/etc. Now that you've posted that shirt, she's declared it official and won't drop the topic. I'm doomed ;)

Zum Leben!
-Michael

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

meet a lifestyle design coach — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 18:56:15 -0000

this crew of trained professionals will teach you how to pickup the ladies at bars and grocery stores (also teach ladies how to pickup men or be picked up)

If you speed thru the online sample videos you might even snag a GF in time for Vday. www.AskRomeo.com

The concept is outrageous and yet leaves me thinking, how much further we'd all be if we had this kind of social training for a semester of high school.

~Victory

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Enda — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 14:51:13 -0000

@ Tim & Co,

This thread seems like a good place to inquire what you guys think of the whole "Game"/Mystery Method/PUA stuff?

I have been practicing these techniques when socialising for the last 3 months or so, I am totally bought in. The results have been incredible...going from a AFC to a near-master PUA in that time. Except that instead of falling in love with the girl I have fallen in love with the system and am playing the numbers game which isn't good.

In some ways I see a similarity with the 4HWW concept. For me both have been mind/attitude-altering but also come heavily laden with downside risks.

Interested if anyone else has thoughts on this but possibly I might have gone over a lot of people's heads..

Ciao

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Raina Gustafson — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 18:22:06 -0000

@Tim

In that case, the sympathy angle is definitely your best bet. ; )

Just keep asking for help - if you're sincere it'll work every time.
Good luck.

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

jasol — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 17:07:36 -0000

Hi Tim,

many thanks for the link. I'll check it out in detail. As far as I can see he doesn't provide any "family workflow" although he said he would do so. I guess I'm not good at bringing my point accross. Maybe because English is not my native language. So I'll try again (I'm stubborn after all): once you have a family and you are not purely egoistical in whatever you do/wish/work towards to you need to take into account how your actions apply to your family as well. I know 100% that there are naturally conflicts of interest between you, your wife and your kids. What this means is that you will need to make compromises because what you want is to maximize the overall benefit for the family not your personal benefit. So in mathematical terms 4hww(family) < 4hww(husband) 4hww(wife) 4hww(kid1) 4hww(kid2) ...because 4hww(husband) NE 4hww(wife) NE 4hww(kid1)..NE: not equal
That's all I'm saying and I stick to it ;-)

Jasol

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Raina Gustafson — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 11:57:28 -0000

@blogrdoc

Re: mixed emotions
I guess having "emotional intelligence" is the deciding factor in those cases. For instance - with your wife - you recognized that the love you felt for her was based in reality while your fear was vague and largely imagined. I'm clearly simplifying, but you get the point. We definitely have to be willing to see through our own BS. I think the pain of loss or the pain that comes along with confusion is probably the best motivator to make us see through our illusions. Ideally, over time the pain we feel, along with the interpretory and behavioral adjustments it triggers, become more and more subtle. That's the learning curve I'm talking about.

Birdwatchers, huh? Well, I guess they'd be patient, good listeners, probably sensitive although there's just a touch of predatorialness or voyeuristicness about it. Seeing a bright red cardinal in a largely gray landscape could be sexy. Plus there's the whole naturalist fascination of getting things on outdoors... How very Walden. I get it. I think she might be on to something.

Do you think Tim grasps that you're indirectly helping me flirt with him yet? He seems to be a little slow on the uptake.

###

I'm like Lenny in "Of Mice and Men" minus the strength. Sad, really <sniff> ;)

Tim</sniff>

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Witholding — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 11:23:55 -0000

desdeelalma,
so you're sticking to only a certain set off supply channels, in terms of the "ladies"? how are those supply channels turning out for you, in terms of quality and substance? i'm sure the quantity is off the charts. i myself think that one of your supply channels doesn't produce much in terms of quality/substance. but that's just a personal judgment from someone on the opposite side of the table.
i wish you all the best in finding that special someone (whether or not it's male or female, considering your earlier "given up yet" quote) who shares the same thirst for knowledge and willingness to follow the road less traveled...

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Cash Flow — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 10:40:00 -0000

Tim, I'd be interested to know about how many sales were generated by referrals from your blog?

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Armen — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 09:01:52 -0000

I have a mate who says he's 'SBC' (Single By Choice).

...yeah right! ;)

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Jose Castro-Frenzel — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 02:42:38 -0000

Tim,

A lot of interesting and provoking comments on this blog, where do you see your social life in the next 6-9 months? Is there a certain age that you think is better for males or females to get married at? How about entrepreneurs? It would be interesting to know your thoughts on these various questions.

All in all I think you make with your life what you want with it. I don't have kids, but can see if you put some forethought into things you can still achieve your goals, material or emotional. "The Paradox of Choice........" ROCKSSSS!!!!!!! I want to again personally thank you for your humanitarian contributions. Please keep us up to date on any other non profit projects to help others.

Regards,

Jose Castro-Frenzel

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

blogrdoc — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 00:52:19 -0000

@Raina:

>If you embrace your own emotions as your best teaching tool
Emotions *can* be a good teaching tool, but (esp. in relationships), you can obviously have *mixed* emotions. E.g. When I fell in love with my wife, I also felt scared about the commitment. So that's two emotions: love and fear. In some cases (not all), emotions are the *worst* teaching tool, so one must certainly be wary of those situations.

>My logic is that is that if you eliminate financial >support as part of the tradeoff, women will begin to look >for deeper, more complex traits in a man.

Very true. A family female friend of mine double majored in Chemistry and Physics at Harvard and is now an MD. I think birdwatchers turn her on. I'm not joking, either. :)

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Sadie — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 23:48:45 -0000

I personally like when men say "ladies" instead of girls or chicks.

What would Matt call folks of the female gender?

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Jasol — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 22:50:11 -0000

Tim,

true it's not mutually exclusive. But the big additional component being in a relationship and having children is responsibility for others. That's where IMHO the 4HWW principles show cracks. Not only must the life style fit you but it must be a fit for the others as well. Want to visit Pachu Picchu? Sure... but unfortunately my daughter is more interested in me changing her diapers. Oh well..I guess you'll find out how things change when you have kids. There are plenty of married 42year-old married guys in the SF bay area as well ;-)
Yes you do have time. I didn't get married before I turned 35 years.

Take care.

Jasol

###

Hi Jasol,

I agree that travel requires planning, but most of the case studies in the 4HWW are of families, and how you choose to use time is up to you. Travel or other craziness that I pursue isn't a requirement at all.

Point well taken that my life will change once I have kids, and I can't wait, but I don't think the 4HWW principles are at all at odds with family. Take Jed Wood's blog on 4HWW for Families as a case in point:
www.thenewlyrich.com

Thanks for contributing to the conversation :)

Tim

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Kyle Jackson — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 21:17:02 -0000

I'm buying one for all my close male friends... not only because I love them, but because I love Camp Sunshine. I have volunteered for them on multiple occasions, my business regularly gives them donations, and they are a great group with amazing, original fundraising ideas.

Thanks for introducing me to another avenue through which I can make a positive difference.

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Raina Gustafson — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 21:01:29 -0000

@blogrdoc

Well, it's wasteful if you get stuck in the emotions. If you embrace your own emotions as your best teaching tool, then there is no waste. This applies whether you're learning from within the context of one ongoing relationship or from a sequence of separate relationships.

Further, I guess I would equate the idea that my parents could pick out the best possible mate for me with the concept that an employer would know what was best for my career. I don't buy it. I strive to understand my own motivations as thoroughly as possible, but do not want other people's motivations (no matter how benign or well intended) affecting my relationship choices. I might have a different perspective if my parents' had an enviable relationship and demonstrated full competence in this arena - but, they don't.

One of my best friends is from Pune, India and now lives in SF (I've actually been thinking about moving in with her). I have seen her personal conflict first hand - trying to reconcile her family's wishes for her to have an arranged marriage with her own (indeterminate) wishes for herself. She is well-educated and independent with a very active social life. At the same time, she still honors most of the values that she was raised with. Her dilemma is that many men in India dismiss her as too independent, while many Indian men in the U.S. opt for her more traditional counterparts. Further, the majority of American men have expectations of relationships that she wouldn't be comfortable fulfilling. I'm not saying she can't find anyone to date - but she's conflicted in one way or another with any action she takes. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes.

Finally, in an economic climate where women are not able to support themselves financially, perhaps men and women are served equally by arranged marriages. In economic climates where women are financially independent, I think men would derive greater benefit from - or stand a greater likelihood of happiness in - arranged marriages than women. My logic is that is that if you eliminate financial support as part of the tradeoff, women will begin to look for deeper, more complex traits in a man. Often, these desirable traits will be recognizable to the woman herself but far less recognizable to her family or peers. In the meantime, men's needs remain largely the same (a physically available, affirming partner) - and are perhaps not as specific or intricate as a woman's emotional needs. (If I'm not being fair, guys - call me out on it!)

As for Tim outsourcing his dating life -
With respect to regular dating (excluding the pursuit of a lifelong mate and co-parent - which I consider an entirely different topic), I'm more likely to say that relationships are what we make of them - and just about anyone can make a positive contribution. I personally would rather make the best of a single relationship than go on a dozen first dates - even if I know I won't ever want to marry that partner. I believe in minimizing choice in this arena - which hastens self-discovery - and I feel that often the avoidance of relationships altogether (often with the statement that Ms. or Mr. Right hasn't come along) speaks more to issues that the would-be dater has than to the quality of their dating pool.

Now, I've got some serious cuddling to do while watching Across the Universe. Highly recommended - both the cuddling and the movie! ; )

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

blogrdoc — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 19:48:09 -0000

@Raina:
Arranged marraiges are still popular in many parts of the world. The way Tim talks about outsourcing his dating selection is actually very similar to this. Bottom line is that it does make a lot of sense. The whole boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, yada yada, rinse, repeat, is wasteful in money, time and emotion.

Any rebuttals?

Re: No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead

Raina Gustafson — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 19:18:59 -0000

So blogrdoc --

It just occurred to me that if a guy followed your principles, he theoretically wouldn't need to even meet the girl if he could determine from a distance that she was both smart and attractive. Interesting... Talk about an experimental challenge...

Not for the feint of heart.